Wednesday, April 15, 2009

WW: God Grant me Peace

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Photobucket

These are pictures of my precious baby boy when he was hours old and when he was a day old. I miss those baby days. A few weeks ago, I would have told you that I was perfectly content not having another natural born child. We feel that we will be called to adopt at some point in our lives. I have talked about it with family and a few friends and was totally for it, that is until Monday I was told I needed a Hysterectomy.
OK lets back up a bit, I have been dealing with a lot of issues caused by severe endometriosis since the age of 16, yes that is 14 years of my life, so almost half of it. I have known for a very long time that this day was coming, did it make me any more prepared? Well of course not! 9 years ago I had surgical extraction of the endometriosis and it was a severe case, but the doctor got all that she could. She didn't get it all, and we knew it was a temporary fix. My left ovary is severely damaged, but they left it in, hoping that maybe if they left both for a few more years I would have a chance for a child. Well I had one very easily, and we were so excited. Then it came time to try for number 2 and it wasn't quite as easy, but it did eventually happen! God then gave me a third, but it ended all too soon, and I was never able to hold that baby in my arms. After that I decided along with my husband, that I just couldn't go through a loss of that magnitude again, so opted to not try to get pregnant.
Like I said this is a battle that I have been facing since 16! I have had 2 surgeries, the last being 9 years ago. I KNOW that I am BLESSED to have 2 beautiful children and I am blessed that I have been able to go 9 years without much problem. I am still not looking forward to the finality of it all.
I know that God will guide my life in the way it needs to go, I know he has a plan for my future to prosper me and not harm me (Jeremiah 29:11), but now I am just praying for peace. Peace in knowing and accepting this is the plan he has for me. Peace in the fact that adoption may or may not be in my future. Peace and contentedness in the 2 precious boys that I have the honor of raising. I just need to "Let go and let God."
I am so excited that the pain will be gone, but so sad that my chance to bear another one of God's beautiful creations is over. Thank you all for listening and may God bless each of you richly!

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39 comments:

Tiaras and Tantrums said...

oh, this is so sad, I feel so bad for you . . . but you have the best attitude about it . . . God has something else in mind for you!

Ali said...

Oh, I'm so sorry, I love your outlook:)

Leslie said...

WOW!! you have certainly been through alot and that is amazing that you were able to have the boys that you have!!! I too have had my own issues with pregnancies!!! (loss of) I am so very sorry you are having to go through all of this, I know we were put on this earth to go through challenges and it's not fun is it!!!? LOL my prayers are with you and I hope that if it's god's will you will be able to adopt some day!!! :) Try to hang in their, keep us all posted!

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Caitlin said...

Oh dear, I am sorry that you are having to go through this.

Just an FYI- my mom was told that she needed a hysterectomy for endometriosis as well, and when she went in for a follow-up appointment before the surgery- oopsy daisy!- she was pregnant with me! It stopped the endometriosis in its tracks until after she gave birth to me- at which time she had a hysterectomy.

May God grant you peace with whatever you decide!

Kelly said...

You have such a sweet heart!! God is in control-- you seem to have a good handle on that! Perhaps the Lord has some children ready for you to be born in your "heart"!! :o)

Happy WW!

Hair Bows & Guitar Picks said...

What a sweet post.

Stam House said...

Your post touch my heart!!!! Thanks for sharing!

April said...

Oh, I'm SO sorry for your tough news. *hugs*

Erin, Nick and Merrick said...

You have an amazing outlook and your faith sounds very strong-
Awesome that you have had 2 little boys!

Pam said...

I am so sorry that you are having to go through this, but you have a wonderful outlook.
I will be praying for you.

Sue said...

Sorry for what you are going through. My thoughts are with you. Beautiful pics of your baby.

homeschoolceo said...

I can only imagine the sadness at the finality of it all. It must be devastating. But, as you seem to be aware, things will work out for the best. Perhaps this procedure is saving you from a much bigger pain. I wish you peace and comfort. Take those beautiful boys in your arms and revel in them. God bless.

itsahumanzoo said...

I'm sorry that you're having to go through this. You have such a great attitude about it though. I'm glad that you are willing to adopt in the future as well.

Rachael said...

i am thinking of you + praying.

sassy stephanie said...

Oh man. What a struggle. You have amazing faith. Some things I guess we won't understand until we are up there with the big man. Doesn't make it any easier though. *hugs*

girlytwins said...

Wow, that is quite a lot to deal with for so long. I am sorry you have to come to a finality of not having any more children. I can only imagine how hard that is.

You have a wonderful outlook on life and two super adorable kiddies too :)

Brenda said...

I went through something similar, we wanted four children but I suffered multiple miscarriages and then my husband was injured and we could not get pregnant. For years I struggled with wanting more chlidren, but we only had two. They are grown, and there is still a little part of me that misses having more children. But as CS Lewis says, "Pain is Gods megaphone to speak to us", so choose to let the pain work for good in your life.

Cathy said...

wow--that would be so hard. But it's wonderful that you were able to have to children--such a blessing.

Alicia said...

(((Lorie)))

My heart aches for you, but I know that God can fill that emptiness in your heart. Yes..you are blessed, and I know it's easy to "say" that. But, I will be praying for you too my friend. The Lord can and will give you peace that surpasses all understanding. Give Him all control in that area in your life, and He will meet you where you're at!!

HUGS,
ALicia

blueviolet@A Nut in a Nutshell said...

I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you. (((hugs))) What a blessing that little baby you did have is!

Nina said...

I feel for you... I have a friend with similar problems and it is so hard for her. I don't want any more children but it is my choice and if it wasn't in my control I will have a hard time dealing with that. You are so positive and be thankful for the two you have.

Amy said...

What an amazing post. I think you are going to open up your arms to a little one is in need. My best wishes to you. Love your pictures of your boys on your blog. Thanks for coming by today.

Betty said...

Oh I'm so sorry hun. I can just imagine what you might be feeling. You have been blessed with a great little guy, who will always be your little guy. I know it's hard, believe me. I only have one due to medical issues too. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

You are so positive and any little one would be lucky to have you as their mommy. :)

Lorie said...

Prayers for you. Precious pictures.

Laura said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog. I am amazed by your sunny outlook on a very hard situation. No matter how prepared you tried to be it doesn't make it easy to endure and actually have it happen. All the best!

HeatherY said...

I know it is so cliche but everything really does happen for a reason. You have such a great attitude towards such a difficult situation. I've got you in my thoughts and prayers.

Threeundertwo said...

Good luck with your surgery, and I think you're doing the right thing by talking to people about it. Sometimes when you least expect it, you will be talking to someone and they will lead you to the next stage.

Since I'm recovering from surgery to cure years of pain, I know that you will be glad once you've done it.

Jen said...

I think its natural to morn this loss and it is a loss. I did that same thing when I had my tube tied. There was no way after that triplets that I wanted more kids but it was still sad that it was final.

~Sandy~ said...

praying for peace for you and your family.

Casey's trio said...

Very touching post. I'm glad you are finding peace with such difficult news.

Muthering Heights said...

I'm sorry to hear that...I know it's different to be told you can NOT have more children, than to decide for yourself.

I hope He does grant you the peace you seek!

NateAndJakesMom said...

I had a hysterectomy a month ago. I am 36. Details are different than yours but know you are not alone. Yes, it takes time to get used to it and being a mommy who blogs... well you hear about babies and pregnancies all the time on blogs, right. Just give yourself time. I still grieve for the loss... But you will be fine.

Kat said...

You have a wonderful attitude and are so positive. You do have so many blessing in your life but I am sorry and I sending you bigs hugs and lots of prayers.

Kathleen W. said...

Oh my, what a story! I'm always amazed at the life issues that bloggers are going through, and how you are able to stay positive!

My cousin has a severe case of Endometriosis, which she also has been dealing with since her teens. She has said she doesn't want kids, but I think the pain of the condition is awful for her. I hope it all ends well for you, and congrats on such beautiful children.

Sneaky Momma said...

Oh, Lori, you'll be in my prayers.

We were blessed with two healthy babies after two high risk pregnancies. We were told that a third baby would 'do me in'.

We've never wanted more than two children, but I had a very hard time accepting the fact that I would never be pregnant again. Something about the finality of it all.

I'm sorry you're having to go through this. :(

Keri said...

My aunt went through a very similar situation as you. She had to have both ovaries removed. Unfortunately, she wasn't able to birth a child. One of her biggest regrets. I can only imagine how difficult this is on her and you. May you find peace in letting go and letting God.

Ms. Latina said...

This is my first time at your blog. I am so sorry to hear about your pending surgery. You are right- God is holding your hand at this very moment, when the time comes you will feel Him and His peace will envelope you, I have no doubt of this! He promised and He cannot lie...Hold onto that and don't take your eyes off Him. XOXO